I'm not a writer, or expert or anything at all right now.
Recently I left my job with no exact plan on what to do next. I am not in a good way at all – forget being brave and excited for the next adventure – I’m physically and mentally exhausted. I’m a dried-up crust of my former self and the most positive emotion I can summon up is relief. Relief, although I’m no longer financially secure, I’ve left a job that I’ve worked so hard to get; possibly ruined a career that I was so passionate about; that there is now hope that I will be able to honestly smile and laugh and love life again.
It’s been building up for years, but this past year has been the worst. I’ve not had time to think. Everyday a 14 -hour day which has been tightly packed with meetings, tasks and deadlines. Everyday a to do list that is urgent because there is simply too much to do. Everyday a battle. A role demanding ideas and creativity but full of barriers that drain energy and will.
A selfish wife, a distant mother and sometimes a daughter if I can fit that in for 15 minutes after I’ve finished my work. A year of birthdays missed, quick make-shift dinners, family events shoehorned into diary windows, conversations I can’t remember because I wasn’t really present, sensitive situations clashing with a lack of patience, no visits to the doctors or dentist, dreadful skin and dead eyes and who the hell is Marie Kondo? A year of not having time for my family, friends or myself.
Now I am still and I can see how the world around me is transforming in front of my eyes, I realise how lucky I am. Covid-19 is reshaping society and some cultural traditions, but it cannot stop helping us all to remember what is really important in life – love and life itself - living and breathing.
I left my job after the realisation that I cannot live as I have been and that I need to rebalance, re-shift and change my mindset and lifestyle. So here goes….
Contact me at thetimesto on Instagram
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